Looking back on it now I believe that I had an out of body experience. I have never told my family this for fear that I would be the object of their severe sarcasm. Still I remember it clearly.
I was 3 years old, lying on the couch surrounded by my siblings. We were watching Miami Vice. I don't remember twitching just my sister screaming at me to open my eyes. That is when it happened. That is when I could see everything as if I was looking down on me and my brothers and sisters from the ceiling. My sister began shaking me telling me to wake up. She screamed at my mom's boyfriend that something was wrong with me. I watched as he ran to the phone and called 911. We lived in a trailer on the landfill, far enough from the hospital that I will always be grateful that he chose to drive me to the hospital instead of waiting for the ambulance.
That is the only thing I will be grateful to that man for.
He told the dispatcher that his girlfriend's daughter was having a seizure and that if any police pulled him over for speeding he would kill them. He slammed the phone down and ran over to the couch and picked me up. I felt his arms around me. This physicality brought me back into my own skin. I couldn't see however. I remember screaming to him that I couldn't see.
I have done a lot of research with this memory because I wanted to get it right. I wanted it to be the complete truth. I emailed my 5 brothers and sisters and asked them to recount that night for me. There were some similar threads with all of the stories--important ones--me having a seizure and watching Miami Vice topping the list. Everyone had a different story. Were all of our memories wrong. Was I wrong for thinking that I could actually have an out of body experience? I don't think that any of them are wrong it just shows that every memory is fallible just like the vessels that carry them. But just because my memory is fallible doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to get the story as true to my memory as possible for my readers. I have learned this and so much more in this amazing class.
I have learned a great deal this semester about the literary memoir. I have learned that your voice can be poetic like Angelou, young like McCourt or even raw and bare boned like Wiesel. The personal truth comes through revisions and the journey of transcribing your own life to share unconditionally with others. I have learned that when one is writing their personal truth it bleeds into a larger, more universal truth for the readers that are tagging along in the journey. I have learned that it is not only what you say but definitely how you say it. I have learned that when you are writing down the truth it does become timeless and puts your life on the map. That a life lived is a life worth writing about. We are all in this world together which is why we need to all share our stories with one another. I have been able to see the world from the eyes of Angelou, Dinesen, McCourt, Nabokov, Karr, Hughes, Hampl, Conroy and Weisel. I have seen the history of the world seen through these amazing authors eyes. I have been able to know things that I would have never known had these authors not thought that their story was important enough to share, or even if they didn't they were willing to write it down and share it anyway. I have been subjected to racism, seen the Elephants of Africa, picked up coals in the streets of Ireland, watched patiently the butterflies that I loved, learned the hidden family secrets, lost my faith, learned to revise to find the truth, drove without fear and stared death in the face of my fellow man. I have done this all through the amazing stories and truths told by this incredible authors. I am very lucky indeed.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Conroy and Anger
Conroy's framing narrative of tempting fate and death by speeding in a Jaguar works well at keeping the tension high at the beginning. The reader is automatically tense, and I believe kept that way throughout the whole novel. There isn't a lot of time to breathe or have relief. I think that is because when you are writing with anger you are tense the entire time. There is no time to breathe because if you do you might lose some of that anger, you might be rational. I also think that it deals with the sense of adolescence and that feeling of invincibility.
I have written a confessional scene between me and my bishop. It was a very hard scene for me to write because I don't want to disrespect my bishop or the religion that my entire family still believes in. However, I wanted to get the despair and heart break across in my scene and realizing that I couldn't affiliate with a religion that I had believed in for my entire life. I feel that it has the same intensity as Conroy, but it is a different kind of intensity. And maybe I only feel that it is different because Conroy came at his writing with anger, I came at mine with pain. Just saying that though I realize that anger is a secondary emotion, it's primary is pain. Perhaps my writing was more similar to Conroy than I thought. I feel that the only way I could highlight the scene is by craft, using better word choices, or making my sentences flow the way I need them to, to punch up the anguish I was feeling at the time.
I have written a confessional scene between me and my bishop. It was a very hard scene for me to write because I don't want to disrespect my bishop or the religion that my entire family still believes in. However, I wanted to get the despair and heart break across in my scene and realizing that I couldn't affiliate with a religion that I had believed in for my entire life. I feel that it has the same intensity as Conroy, but it is a different kind of intensity. And maybe I only feel that it is different because Conroy came at his writing with anger, I came at mine with pain. Just saying that though I realize that anger is a secondary emotion, it's primary is pain. Perhaps my writing was more similar to Conroy than I thought. I feel that the only way I could highlight the scene is by craft, using better word choices, or making my sentences flow the way I need them to, to punch up the anguish I was feeling at the time.
Hampl and Frey, need I say more?
I enjoyed Patricia Hampl's essay, "Memory and Imagination" very much because it seemed to mirror the idea of searching for one's own personal truth, which she spoke of in the essay. I think it is very hard for a writer to keep the memoir as true to the memory as possible, not only because our memories are so fallible, but also because we want to make the story interesting--we want to use our craft of writing to the best of our abilities. It is that craft that sometimes has a head on collision with the actual memory. It is our craft that mingles with our memories which create inaccuracies, which is why we have to revise. Until I read this essay I believed that if I revised the draft then I was taking away from the truth. I realize now that the truths are revealed to us in the revision. Hampl said it best, "I see the filmy shape of the next draft. I see a more accurate version of the next episode or--this is more likely--an entirely new piece
rising from the ashes of the first attempt. The next draft of the piece would have to be true re-vision, a new seeing of the materials of the first draft."
Reading this my eyes were opened.
It was so interesting to acknowledge that our memories our fallible, but more than that they are interrupted by other memories, emotions associated with our memories (as well as day to day emotions) what is happening in the world around us and in our own world. Hampl talked about that we are in search of a world with our writing, and I couldn't agree more. We are making up a world with our writing that we believe was there in our memories and that we want to share with others. I feel that we are doing that as writers because we NEED a community or at least the sense of community to enfold us with its arms.
Hampl knows that memoir is a literary form because it is a personal history that does more than history written in text books. It is also, as Hampl discusses, the memoirists job to Show and Tell. We cannot do one or the other, it is not in the memoirists cards. This is a heavy burden and a great burden that memoirists take upon themselves to help them find their personal truth, the larger truth and their place in history. Again it helps the memoirist to find their world--their community.
I agree whole heartedly with Hampl when she writes that memoir captures, "the life-of-the-times as no political analysis can". Look at Weisel's Night, that memoir captured the history and the lives of Jews in concentration camps more than any chapter in a World History text book could ever wish to do. It is everyone of us that makes our own history and effects the history of the world. We are all intertwined. If everyone wrote down their own history, their own memoir, we would see a different world.
I believe that labeling a book Memoir does create a contract with the reader that the contents in the book are as true and as factual as the memory writing them down will allow them to be. I believe that any severe change such as Mary Karr's name changes should be announced to the reader so that they will not feel cheated later on. It allows the reader to trust their narrator more. I purchased and read A Million Little Pieces per Oprahs' suggestion. I thought that the book was written so rawly that it had to be a memoir. In fact I believe that it was the first "memoir" that I had ever written. When I found out that it wasn't a memoir I have to say that I wasn't angry or disappointed. I think that I would be now, if I had taken this class first and then read it. But then again maybe not, I would just think of it as historical fiction.
I want to write a memoir, but I want it to be as factual as possible. I know now how hard that can be, but also how freeing and necessary. If I did have to change names or places to guard the people I love I would do so, but I would let my readers know from the beginning. I want them to go on a journey of self-discovery with me and I believe the only way we will both make it is if we are both honest with one another.
rising from the ashes of the first attempt. The next draft of the piece would have to be true re-vision, a new seeing of the materials of the first draft."
Reading this my eyes were opened.
It was so interesting to acknowledge that our memories our fallible, but more than that they are interrupted by other memories, emotions associated with our memories (as well as day to day emotions) what is happening in the world around us and in our own world. Hampl talked about that we are in search of a world with our writing, and I couldn't agree more. We are making up a world with our writing that we believe was there in our memories and that we want to share with others. I feel that we are doing that as writers because we NEED a community or at least the sense of community to enfold us with its arms.
Hampl knows that memoir is a literary form because it is a personal history that does more than history written in text books. It is also, as Hampl discusses, the memoirists job to Show and Tell. We cannot do one or the other, it is not in the memoirists cards. This is a heavy burden and a great burden that memoirists take upon themselves to help them find their personal truth, the larger truth and their place in history. Again it helps the memoirist to find their world--their community.
I agree whole heartedly with Hampl when she writes that memoir captures, "the life-of-the-times as no political analysis can". Look at Weisel's Night, that memoir captured the history and the lives of Jews in concentration camps more than any chapter in a World History text book could ever wish to do. It is everyone of us that makes our own history and effects the history of the world. We are all intertwined. If everyone wrote down their own history, their own memoir, we would see a different world.
I believe that labeling a book Memoir does create a contract with the reader that the contents in the book are as true and as factual as the memory writing them down will allow them to be. I believe that any severe change such as Mary Karr's name changes should be announced to the reader so that they will not feel cheated later on. It allows the reader to trust their narrator more. I purchased and read A Million Little Pieces per Oprahs' suggestion. I thought that the book was written so rawly that it had to be a memoir. In fact I believe that it was the first "memoir" that I had ever written. When I found out that it wasn't a memoir I have to say that I wasn't angry or disappointed. I think that I would be now, if I had taken this class first and then read it. But then again maybe not, I would just think of it as historical fiction.
I want to write a memoir, but I want it to be as factual as possible. I know now how hard that can be, but also how freeing and necessary. If I did have to change names or places to guard the people I love I would do so, but I would let my readers know from the beginning. I want them to go on a journey of self-discovery with me and I believe the only way we will both make it is if we are both honest with one another.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Finally. My response to Dinesen.
I feel that Dineson's use of 2nd person helps to illustrate that the Africa she knew, will never be the same. that Africa is gone. The 2nd person helps to illustrate that it is not only her reflection of how things used to be, but Africa's reflection, and what could have been everyone's reflection had they been their with her. Her personification of Africa makes it possible for Africa to be looking back with her at the way things were. It's such a beautiful concept.
The 2nd person helps the reader to feel that they are there with Dineson. She wants her readers with her because the Africa that they see now is not the Africa that she experienced. SO if she can bring her readers with her in every aspect--the beautiful descriptions and the choice of the narrators voice, then why not. She goes back to the 1st person when it is something more personal, that only she needed to experience like hunting. It is when it is about Africa, that she goes to 2nd person. She needs everyone to experience that.
"I had seen a herd of Elephant travelling through the dense Native forest, where the sunlight is strewn down between the thick creepers in small spots and patches, pacing along as if they had an appointment at the end of the world."
This is just one of the paragraphs in which Dinesen is describing her beloved lost Africa. It is amazing that instead of saying, " I saw a heard of Elephant coming through the Ngangao Forest," She tells the reader it is a Native Forest and then shows the reader how a Native might speak. Instead of having a name for the forest it is where the sunlight strews down. Also many Natives of Africa, especially in the time when this book was written, walked everywhere, so every step has it's own story. Every rock is a memory, every hill is a story with a memory. The pace of the herd of Elephant is kept by the pace in which Dinesen's sentences speak of the Elephant.
I believe that if Dinesen would have stuck with 1st person something would have been lost in translation. It is my belief that Dinesen didn't want any more of her Africa to be lost, then was already lost. Her colorful words, her breathtaking imagery, the pace of her sentences all tell the tale of Africa. It is a beautiful sight to behold.
The 2nd person helps the reader to feel that they are there with Dineson. She wants her readers with her because the Africa that they see now is not the Africa that she experienced. SO if she can bring her readers with her in every aspect--the beautiful descriptions and the choice of the narrators voice, then why not. She goes back to the 1st person when it is something more personal, that only she needed to experience like hunting. It is when it is about Africa, that she goes to 2nd person. She needs everyone to experience that.
"I had seen a herd of Elephant travelling through the dense Native forest, where the sunlight is strewn down between the thick creepers in small spots and patches, pacing along as if they had an appointment at the end of the world."
This is just one of the paragraphs in which Dinesen is describing her beloved lost Africa. It is amazing that instead of saying, " I saw a heard of Elephant coming through the Ngangao Forest," She tells the reader it is a Native Forest and then shows the reader how a Native might speak. Instead of having a name for the forest it is where the sunlight strews down. Also many Natives of Africa, especially in the time when this book was written, walked everywhere, so every step has it's own story. Every rock is a memory, every hill is a story with a memory. The pace of the herd of Elephant is kept by the pace in which Dinesen's sentences speak of the Elephant.
I believe that if Dinesen would have stuck with 1st person something would have been lost in translation. It is my belief that Dinesen didn't want any more of her Africa to be lost, then was already lost. Her colorful words, her breathtaking imagery, the pace of her sentences all tell the tale of Africa. It is a beautiful sight to behold.
Response to Langston Hughes' Salvation
Salvation is Hughes heart-wrenching account of finding God. or in Hughes case not finding Him. In Salvation, there are two types of conflict happening, Man vs. society and Man vs. himself. Hughes desires to find Jesus for himself, but he also feels a literal pressure to find him by his Auntie and those in his community who have "found" him. Hughes found himself on the Mourners bench alone after all of the other children had went over to the preacher and found Jesus. Hughes felt obligated to go to the other side because the entire congregation was waiting on him to do so.
"Now it was getting really late. I began to be ashamed of myself, holding everything up so long. I began to wonder what God thought about Westley, who certainly hadn't seen Jesus either, but who was now sitting proudly on the platform, swinging his knickerbockered legs and grinning down at me, surrounded by deacons and old women on their knees praying. God had not struck Westley dead for taking his name in vain or for lying in the temple. So I decided that maybe to save further trouble, I'd better lie, too, and say that Jesus had come, and get up and be saved.
So I got up."
During this Man vs. society conflict, Hughes does a phenomenal job showing the readers the pressure he was under using internal thought. He also does it, by using dialogue rarely. The dialogue that is used holds more of a punch because there is so little of it. The words chosen then are significant, because they made it to the paper. Hearing the preacher and the entire congregation praying for you and asking you to come over to Jesus. Having your Auntie crying to you in front of the congregation is, in my humble opinion, extreme pressure. I am amazed he held out as long as he did.
The conflict of Man vs. himself coincides beautifully with the Man vs. society. The reason Hughes is not giving into the pressure is because he wants to really know for himself that God and Jesus are real and there for him. He accepts Jesus for the congregations sake, but cries to himself that night because he had lost all faith and belief. It is a very poignant moment.
"That night, for the first time in my life but one for I was a big boy twelve years old--I cried. I cried, in bed alone, and couldn't stop. I buried my head under the quilts, but my aunt heard me. She woke up and told my uncle that I was crying because the Holy Ghost had come into my life, and because I had seen Jesus. But I was really crying because I couldn't bear to tell her that I had lied, that I had deceived everybody in the church, that I hadn't seen Jesus, and that now I didn't believe that there was a Jesus anymore, since he didn't come to help me."
That concluding paragraph of the essay is the conclusion of the Man vs. himself conflict. He illustrates that tragic moment of despair with imagery and self-reflection/interior thought.
Salvation is a very action packed essay. It is filled to the brim with imagery and interior thought which push the action forward. The dialogue is the cherry on top that seals the dramatic scene in our hearts and our mind forever. It is what makes this essay stand out. Because it was such a small essay, every comma, every word, every piece of dialogue was specifically chosen. It seems like such a simple essay, but it wasn't. Hughes was on top of his craft game when writing about the depths of his despair.
Brilliant!
"Now it was getting really late. I began to be ashamed of myself, holding everything up so long. I began to wonder what God thought about Westley, who certainly hadn't seen Jesus either, but who was now sitting proudly on the platform, swinging his knickerbockered legs and grinning down at me, surrounded by deacons and old women on their knees praying. God had not struck Westley dead for taking his name in vain or for lying in the temple. So I decided that maybe to save further trouble, I'd better lie, too, and say that Jesus had come, and get up and be saved.
So I got up."
During this Man vs. society conflict, Hughes does a phenomenal job showing the readers the pressure he was under using internal thought. He also does it, by using dialogue rarely. The dialogue that is used holds more of a punch because there is so little of it. The words chosen then are significant, because they made it to the paper. Hearing the preacher and the entire congregation praying for you and asking you to come over to Jesus. Having your Auntie crying to you in front of the congregation is, in my humble opinion, extreme pressure. I am amazed he held out as long as he did.
The conflict of Man vs. himself coincides beautifully with the Man vs. society. The reason Hughes is not giving into the pressure is because he wants to really know for himself that God and Jesus are real and there for him. He accepts Jesus for the congregations sake, but cries to himself that night because he had lost all faith and belief. It is a very poignant moment.
"That night, for the first time in my life but one for I was a big boy twelve years old--I cried. I cried, in bed alone, and couldn't stop. I buried my head under the quilts, but my aunt heard me. She woke up and told my uncle that I was crying because the Holy Ghost had come into my life, and because I had seen Jesus. But I was really crying because I couldn't bear to tell her that I had lied, that I had deceived everybody in the church, that I hadn't seen Jesus, and that now I didn't believe that there was a Jesus anymore, since he didn't come to help me."
That concluding paragraph of the essay is the conclusion of the Man vs. himself conflict. He illustrates that tragic moment of despair with imagery and self-reflection/interior thought.
Salvation is a very action packed essay. It is filled to the brim with imagery and interior thought which push the action forward. The dialogue is the cherry on top that seals the dramatic scene in our hearts and our mind forever. It is what makes this essay stand out. Because it was such a small essay, every comma, every word, every piece of dialogue was specifically chosen. It seems like such a simple essay, but it wasn't. Hughes was on top of his craft game when writing about the depths of his despair.
Brilliant!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Response to Wiesel
I believe that Elie Wiesel's memoir Night has more relevance to the readers than if it were to be told as solely a historical account. I believe this because many people have read, or been taught about the Holocaust. People find out about it and feel whole-heartedly that it was an abhorrent time in history that marred the existence of humanity forever. They genuinely feel that way, and yet, they are able to distance themselves from what had happened. They all feel that they know how they would act in such situations, how they would respond. It is very easy to judge from an outsiders, very distanced point of view. It is easy to say thing in retrospect when you are looking at things solely with a historical eye. When you are looking through the lense of a human being who has lived through the concentration camps, and he is demystifying all of your pretences surrounding the Holocaust, and making it real for all of his readers, it becomes more relevant for the reader than any text book written on the subject. This is a live account. This could have been your family, your mother and sister taken away from you and burned alive. It could have been your father who you clung to for so long, and in the end felt that you had failed him and could not forgive yourself. It is a story of humanity and it's faults and weaknesses, along with all of it's triumphs and love.
I have written briefly about violence against me and my sisters. I feel that it is a very hard thing to write about. I feel that it can be therapeutic if you let it, but you have to be willing to feel all of the emotions that you are writing about and the ones that are in between the lines. I feel that when I am writing about such hard things that at first I am trying to keep myself distanced from the person (even if it is me) by characterizing them. But then I start to remember more and more things and I get into a depressed state. I have to remind myself that it is a reflective piece and that I have survived whatever it is that I am writing about as well as I am a better person now. I also have found writing about such events makes it easier to deal with the past, but again, one has to be willing to let it help, by being ok with whatever feelings one is feeling. I feel that writing about such things sometimes brings about new epiphanies that have always been welcomed, even if that welcome mat wasn't laid out until much later.
Over the course of this semester we have read several books, all relating difficult and/or disturbing events in their lives. Not once have I thought that the author's story or they way in which they have written it was maudlin. I have always thought that it was relevant, and I believe that I feel this way because every author has had the larger truth that they are writing about. If there wasn't a larger truth than it would be a different story. I feel that each book that we have read has built upon the ideas discussed in class which makes Elie Wiesel's memoir my favorite. I also feel that Weisel's book is my favorite because of it's vast scope and world wide involvement in the larger truth--humanity. It is very relevant today, as we need constant
reminders us where to never go again, as well as a possible beacon on how to help with Darfur and other countries that are dealing with genocide. This historical/personal memoir is a very tough, but very necessary read for everyone.
I have written briefly about violence against me and my sisters. I feel that it is a very hard thing to write about. I feel that it can be therapeutic if you let it, but you have to be willing to feel all of the emotions that you are writing about and the ones that are in between the lines. I feel that when I am writing about such hard things that at first I am trying to keep myself distanced from the person (even if it is me) by characterizing them. But then I start to remember more and more things and I get into a depressed state. I have to remind myself that it is a reflective piece and that I have survived whatever it is that I am writing about as well as I am a better person now. I also have found writing about such events makes it easier to deal with the past, but again, one has to be willing to let it help, by being ok with whatever feelings one is feeling. I feel that writing about such things sometimes brings about new epiphanies that have always been welcomed, even if that welcome mat wasn't laid out until much later.
Over the course of this semester we have read several books, all relating difficult and/or disturbing events in their lives. Not once have I thought that the author's story or they way in which they have written it was maudlin. I have always thought that it was relevant, and I believe that I feel this way because every author has had the larger truth that they are writing about. If there wasn't a larger truth than it would be a different story. I feel that each book that we have read has built upon the ideas discussed in class which makes Elie Wiesel's memoir my favorite. I also feel that Weisel's book is my favorite because of it's vast scope and world wide involvement in the larger truth--humanity. It is very relevant today, as we need constant
reminders us where to never go again, as well as a possible beacon on how to help with Darfur and other countries that are dealing with genocide. This historical/personal memoir is a very tough, but very necessary read for everyone.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Henry Thoreau (Walden) Response
After reading Thoreau's chapter, "Where I Live and What I Lived For" I feel that his book Walden could be considered a memoir if he actually talked more about his experiences. I felt that this chapter should not have been chapter two, but should have been the epilogue. It seemed to me that this chapter summarized not why he went there, but more importantly what he learned from his living experiment. I am not convinced that Thoureau didn't go out into nature because he knew that he wanted to live every day to the fullest and being apart of nature (as much as he "could" be) was his way of doing this. I feel that he wanted something more out of life and then after living in nature for the extended period in which he did, he was able to write such an articulate and beautiful chapter. But as it stands, if all of the chapters were written like this chapter I am not sure that I would consider the book as a whole to be a memoir. I would consider it more as a book of reflections coupled with a "how to live a better life" manual. Yes, the author, as well as the reader, should learn something after a memoir (at least I believe so) but it shouldn't be spelled out, as Thoreau did.
I definitely gain insight about Thoreau after reading this. I find that he is a lover of nature and the wonderful creatures that reside within nature. I find out that he wants to truly live this life to the fullest. He wants to be awake for the entirety of this life, and to experience his experiences. He wants to be one of the million, who is actually awake and changing this world. To be honest I wasn't really liking what I was reading until I got to this part of the chapter, talking about sucking the morrow out of the bones of life. I had heard this before, but for some reason it really struck me when it was in context of the chapter. It endeared Thoreau to me. I too want to live life to the fullest, while changing the world that we live in for the better. It was beautiful because Thoreau was not saying, "eat, drink and be merry" he was saying, you are alive and have a moral obligation to live this life to the fullest. He spoke of changing this world, He was practicing what he preached as can be seen by his other works speaking against slavery, and for the rights of an untouched nature.
I definitely gain insight about Thoreau after reading this. I find that he is a lover of nature and the wonderful creatures that reside within nature. I find out that he wants to truly live this life to the fullest. He wants to be awake for the entirety of this life, and to experience his experiences. He wants to be one of the million, who is actually awake and changing this world. To be honest I wasn't really liking what I was reading until I got to this part of the chapter, talking about sucking the morrow out of the bones of life. I had heard this before, but for some reason it really struck me when it was in context of the chapter. It endeared Thoreau to me. I too want to live life to the fullest, while changing the world that we live in for the better. It was beautiful because Thoreau was not saying, "eat, drink and be merry" he was saying, you are alive and have a moral obligation to live this life to the fullest. He spoke of changing this world, He was practicing what he preached as can be seen by his other works speaking against slavery, and for the rights of an untouched nature.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Nabokov Response
In the excerpts I read from Nabokov's butterfly bliss, that is Speak, Memory, I was cocooned in the most beautiful linguistic imagery. His obsessive love of butterflies is richly conveyed through his carefully chosen words. I do not believe that Nabokov would have been able to have the same effect on his readers had he chosen to utilize McCourt's craftily chosen child's voice.
Nabokov, like McCourt, is older when he is telling his story. Unlike McCourt, who tells his story as if he is young again, Nabokov is looking back on his childhood. I believe there is a longing for that childhood, but like the butterfly who has patiently grown from a caterpillar into a this new beautiful being (almost Phoenix like) Nabokov has masterfully grown in his writing. Because he knows how to use language as a paint brush, he knows that there is no other way for him to write about his beloved butterflies. I believe he feels that if he were to write about his butterflies from a child-like perspective, that something would be lost, and that something would be the butterflies. Writing in a child's tone, the reader focuses more on the reader, Nabokov wanted his readers to focus on what he was infatuated with. He wanted his beautiful language to mirror the beauty of the butterflies. He succeeds.
Anyway, on my butterfly hunts I always preferred hiking to any other form of locomotion (except, naturally, a flying seat gliding leisurely over the plant mats and rocks of an unexplored mountain, or hovering just above the flowery roof of a rain forest); for when you walk, especially in a region you have studied well, there is an exquisite pleasure in departing from one's itinerary to visit, here and there by the wayside, this glade, that glen, this or that combination of soil and flora--to drop in, as it were, on a familiar butterfly in his particular habitat, in order to see if he has emerged, and if so, how he is doing. Nabokov is a very articulate and eloquent writer. He is a master of his craft, which can be seen in this paragraph. This paragraph is a story on it's own. It is beautifully written with the comma's, semicolon, parenthesis and even a dash. He is making you take a hike with him through his writing. It is a beautiful paragraph.
I want to write a memoir and although I think there are times when a child's voice might be more appropriate or have more of the punch that I am looking for, I feel that it is better, for me, to write in a reflective voice. Maybe it is easier for me that way because then I can characterize myself and have a distance from some memories that are still painful. Or maybe I would utilize both in a way that is honest for me to write and enjoyable and understood by my readers.
Nabokov, like McCourt, is older when he is telling his story. Unlike McCourt, who tells his story as if he is young again, Nabokov is looking back on his childhood. I believe there is a longing for that childhood, but like the butterfly who has patiently grown from a caterpillar into a this new beautiful being (almost Phoenix like) Nabokov has masterfully grown in his writing. Because he knows how to use language as a paint brush, he knows that there is no other way for him to write about his beloved butterflies. I believe he feels that if he were to write about his butterflies from a child-like perspective, that something would be lost, and that something would be the butterflies. Writing in a child's tone, the reader focuses more on the reader, Nabokov wanted his readers to focus on what he was infatuated with. He wanted his beautiful language to mirror the beauty of the butterflies. He succeeds.
Anyway, on my butterfly hunts I always preferred hiking to any other form of locomotion (except, naturally, a flying seat gliding leisurely over the plant mats and rocks of an unexplored mountain, or hovering just above the flowery roof of a rain forest); for when you walk, especially in a region you have studied well, there is an exquisite pleasure in departing from one's itinerary to visit, here and there by the wayside, this glade, that glen, this or that combination of soil and flora--to drop in, as it were, on a familiar butterfly in his particular habitat, in order to see if he has emerged, and if so, how he is doing. Nabokov is a very articulate and eloquent writer. He is a master of his craft, which can be seen in this paragraph. This paragraph is a story on it's own. It is beautifully written with the comma's, semicolon, parenthesis and even a dash. He is making you take a hike with him through his writing. It is a beautiful paragraph.
I want to write a memoir and although I think there are times when a child's voice might be more appropriate or have more of the punch that I am looking for, I feel that it is better, for me, to write in a reflective voice. Maybe it is easier for me that way because then I can characterize myself and have a distance from some memories that are still painful. Or maybe I would utilize both in a way that is honest for me to write and enjoyable and understood by my readers.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Dave Eggers-A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
In the excerpt I read from A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, I was blown away by Eggers' creativity and innovation. I thought that it was such a brilliant idea on how to get real, raw emotions across to the reader. Maybe it's because I am from the A.D.D generation and we can't focus on one thing too long, and so he was able to keep my attention by changing up the formats. Maybe it was because he took the concept of "show don't tell" to a whole new level, when thrusting his audience into the theatre where they had front row tickets to the play. I truly enjoyed this excerpt and will be buying the book. I was not confused for one second as to what was going on, I was enthralled from the beginning and sad when there was nothing left to read.
As to the question is it acceptable to imagine something happening in a memoir form in order to arrive at a personal truth, I would have to say, yes-but...
Yes, but you have to tell your readers upfront. Which Eggers did.
Yes, but there still has to be a method to your madness, which I believe if I read the rest of Eggers' book I would come to the conclusion that there was.
Yes, but that has to be the intention of why you are doing it. If Eggers' was being creative and experimental with his memoir just to be different, it would not be the great piece of work that has become. Yes he was being experimental and imagining things, but it helped him and his book grapple with the larger truth, which let his readers join him on the journey. They were no longer spectators because he let them in from the beginning. I believe that this only led Eggers' readers to an enjoyable enlightenment.
I definitely would, and am trying different forms and experiments with my own memoir. I feel that is the only way that I can deal with my own demons. I want my readers there with me and know that I am not trying to pull one over on them, that I am just like them--only I am writing it out for everyone to see.
I want to read this book and learn craft techniques from Eggers. I know that I would learn a lot.
As to the question is it acceptable to imagine something happening in a memoir form in order to arrive at a personal truth, I would have to say, yes-but...
Yes, but you have to tell your readers upfront. Which Eggers did.
Yes, but there still has to be a method to your madness, which I believe if I read the rest of Eggers' book I would come to the conclusion that there was.
Yes, but that has to be the intention of why you are doing it. If Eggers' was being creative and experimental with his memoir just to be different, it would not be the great piece of work that has become. Yes he was being experimental and imagining things, but it helped him and his book grapple with the larger truth, which let his readers join him on the journey. They were no longer spectators because he let them in from the beginning. I believe that this only led Eggers' readers to an enjoyable enlightenment.
I definitely would, and am trying different forms and experiments with my own memoir. I feel that is the only way that I can deal with my own demons. I want my readers there with me and know that I am not trying to pull one over on them, that I am just like them--only I am writing it out for everyone to see.
I want to read this book and learn craft techniques from Eggers. I know that I would learn a lot.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Mary Karr Response
I don't think I've ever really had a problem with sharing the personal or private details of my life. I don't know if that's because I was the youngest of six, raised by a single mother, or if it's because it seemed like our private lives were always on display because we were poor and people would talk. It might also have to do with the fact that my mother was very open and honest about everything, nothing was too sacred for her to explain to her kids. This was good for me and bad for me growing up because there were a lot of times where I should have kept my mouth shut (dinners at new friend's houses) and would start talking about things that apparently were not proper dinner topics. I didn't understand because at my house we talked about anything and everything over dinner.
Now talking about my family problems is a little bit different. If my family is OK with me discussing our problems then I would be OK with it too, but if not it would be very hard for me to talk about those problems with a larger audience than just my intimate friends because I love my family more than anything else in this world and would never, ever want to make them feel that I didn't care for them or respect them. The same goes for my friends because I consider my friends my family.
I feel that Karr's method of protecting her family is above and beyond (I'm sure) what a lot of authors would do. Many people just want to make a buck, and if there family history was a dysfunctional one (as every family history is, just varying degrees) then some authors could probably care less who they hurt as long as the check came.
I believe I would use a lot of similar strategies that Karr uses to check with my family and friends if it would be alright with them to write a book involving them. I would definitely give them the manuscript before hand, I would do research with them before even writing the book to see how our memories matched up. You could tell that Karr did something similar to that when she would tell a story and then say if Lecia was telling you this story it would go like this. Very clever move on her part. I would also change there names if they wanted me to, or even if they didn't.
I am with Karr that Memoir is more about memory and memories can be very fallible. This is why I love Creative Nonfiction as a genre. Because you can do things such as Karr did with altering some events. I know that some people do not like that, they feel betrayed, they want the whole truth, nothing but the truth so help them God. Well nobody has the whole truth with a capital T. Truth is entirely speculative. All one can do is write as close to the truth as they can and call it good. Karr felt the cutting story was important to include, whether it was altered or not because it helped shape who she is and what she believes. It was a teaching moment for her and she felt it could be a teaching moment for others.
Literary styles that I see in the Liars' Club, is creating characters from real people (Mom, Dad..) They are her parents, but they are also characters. She does change it to present tense a lot to have the reader feel the immediacy of what she was feeling. She also writes like a conversation sometimes and has the narrator break from having that fourth wall and talk to the reader as if they are sitting together just having a conversation.
This was a really great book to read because it reminded me a lot of my family, in a lot of ways. It was rough and raw unlike the other books we've read up to this point. It was wonderful for that reason.
Now talking about my family problems is a little bit different. If my family is OK with me discussing our problems then I would be OK with it too, but if not it would be very hard for me to talk about those problems with a larger audience than just my intimate friends because I love my family more than anything else in this world and would never, ever want to make them feel that I didn't care for them or respect them. The same goes for my friends because I consider my friends my family.
I feel that Karr's method of protecting her family is above and beyond (I'm sure) what a lot of authors would do. Many people just want to make a buck, and if there family history was a dysfunctional one (as every family history is, just varying degrees) then some authors could probably care less who they hurt as long as the check came.
I believe I would use a lot of similar strategies that Karr uses to check with my family and friends if it would be alright with them to write a book involving them. I would definitely give them the manuscript before hand, I would do research with them before even writing the book to see how our memories matched up. You could tell that Karr did something similar to that when she would tell a story and then say if Lecia was telling you this story it would go like this. Very clever move on her part. I would also change there names if they wanted me to, or even if they didn't.
I am with Karr that Memoir is more about memory and memories can be very fallible. This is why I love Creative Nonfiction as a genre. Because you can do things such as Karr did with altering some events. I know that some people do not like that, they feel betrayed, they want the whole truth, nothing but the truth so help them God. Well nobody has the whole truth with a capital T. Truth is entirely speculative. All one can do is write as close to the truth as they can and call it good. Karr felt the cutting story was important to include, whether it was altered or not because it helped shape who she is and what she believes. It was a teaching moment for her and she felt it could be a teaching moment for others.
Literary styles that I see in the Liars' Club, is creating characters from real people (Mom, Dad..) They are her parents, but they are also characters. She does change it to present tense a lot to have the reader feel the immediacy of what she was feeling. She also writes like a conversation sometimes and has the narrator break from having that fourth wall and talk to the reader as if they are sitting together just having a conversation.
This was a really great book to read because it reminded me a lot of my family, in a lot of ways. It was rough and raw unlike the other books we've read up to this point. It was wonderful for that reason.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
McCourt Response
I have never read Angela's Ashes nor have I seen the movie, but if the movie is anything as grand as the book I would buy it on the spot. I have never been so moved by so many varying emotions from a memoir as I was by this one. Frank (Francis) McCourt is a genius in my opinion (as well as I'm sure countless others) and I feel grateful to have learned a lot from him, by just reading his work.
I too, as many in my class already know this, grew up well below the poverty level, but have always approached my writing of that time period as the adult I am now. I thought it was so incredibly smart of McCourt to use his childhood voice. It made seeing everything he was seeing so much more poignant because children are innocent and so are there voices. You automatically trust the narrator, not because it is a memoir, but because it is a little boy telling you. Yes, little children do tend to exaggerate the truth sometimes, but McCourt didn't stretch anything. He writing was raw and beautiful.
McCourt describing character's through a child's perspective only enhanced my reading experience and laugh/cry out loud. Quite embarrassing when you are in the presence of others.
I also enjoyed being able to really see the characters through their accents that he portrayed with how he wrote the dialect. I don't think I had ever thought to write dialogue that way, but now that I have seen in done is such a phenomenal way I would love to try it out in my own writing. Giving the characters literally there own voice added immensely to the image of the characters in my head. It seems as though he didn't really give that much description in way of physical traits and yet I could tell you exactly how they looked.
I listened to McCourt read (ironically on the panel with him was Maya Angelou) and it made me laugh even harder listening to his voice telling his story. I believe that authors should be able to read their work because it's theirs. Their performance, as it were, should make me either go and buy the book or go reread the it. One could learn a lot by listening to him read his work. Even though he was much older when he read his work, he still had the child like persona and enthusiasm while reading the book. It was a great thing to behold.
One of My Childhood Experiences.
I grabbed the snake by it's head.
"Look mommy."
"Leslie, put the snake down and back away from it."
She screamed as she started sprinting in my direction.
"But he's my friend."
"Leslie just do as I say please. No arguing."
I put the my new friend down.
"We'll play tomorrow when mommy is not watching."
Just then a shovel was smashing my friends body into the grass.
"No" I screamed and began sobbing instantly.
"Why would you do that."
"That was a rattle snake Leslie."
"So." I exclaimed hysterically.
"Leslie, that snake could have killed you."
"But he wouldn't have. We were friends and you killed him."
"Leslie I'm sorry, but one day you'll understand."
So, I thought that this would be extremely easy, but writing in present tense as a child, at least for me, was extremely difficult. I think that writing was some of the worst writing that I have ever done. I remember this memory as if it was yesterday and yet trying to write about it seemed so foreign to me. I am deeply embarrassed by this writing sample, but am choosing to keep it up as to give an example of what NOT to do when writing. I hope that this helps many people.
I too, as many in my class already know this, grew up well below the poverty level, but have always approached my writing of that time period as the adult I am now. I thought it was so incredibly smart of McCourt to use his childhood voice. It made seeing everything he was seeing so much more poignant because children are innocent and so are there voices. You automatically trust the narrator, not because it is a memoir, but because it is a little boy telling you. Yes, little children do tend to exaggerate the truth sometimes, but McCourt didn't stretch anything. He writing was raw and beautiful.
McCourt describing character's through a child's perspective only enhanced my reading experience and laugh/cry out loud. Quite embarrassing when you are in the presence of others.
I also enjoyed being able to really see the characters through their accents that he portrayed with how he wrote the dialect. I don't think I had ever thought to write dialogue that way, but now that I have seen in done is such a phenomenal way I would love to try it out in my own writing. Giving the characters literally there own voice added immensely to the image of the characters in my head. It seems as though he didn't really give that much description in way of physical traits and yet I could tell you exactly how they looked.
I listened to McCourt read (ironically on the panel with him was Maya Angelou) and it made me laugh even harder listening to his voice telling his story. I believe that authors should be able to read their work because it's theirs. Their performance, as it were, should make me either go and buy the book or go reread the it. One could learn a lot by listening to him read his work. Even though he was much older when he read his work, he still had the child like persona and enthusiasm while reading the book. It was a great thing to behold.
One of My Childhood Experiences.
I grabbed the snake by it's head.
"Look mommy."
"Leslie, put the snake down and back away from it."
She screamed as she started sprinting in my direction.
"But he's my friend."
"Leslie just do as I say please. No arguing."
I put the my new friend down.
"We'll play tomorrow when mommy is not watching."
Just then a shovel was smashing my friends body into the grass.
"No" I screamed and began sobbing instantly.
"Why would you do that."
"That was a rattle snake Leslie."
"So." I exclaimed hysterically.
"Leslie, that snake could have killed you."
"But he wouldn't have. We were friends and you killed him."
"Leslie I'm sorry, but one day you'll understand."
So, I thought that this would be extremely easy, but writing in present tense as a child, at least for me, was extremely difficult. I think that writing was some of the worst writing that I have ever done. I remember this memory as if it was yesterday and yet trying to write about it seemed so foreign to me. I am deeply embarrassed by this writing sample, but am choosing to keep it up as to give an example of what NOT to do when writing. I hope that this helps many people.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Angelou Response
In Maya Angelou's I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, Angelou evokes several emotions from her readers by using beautiful poetic imagery and conversational dialogue. I feel that there is not one scene that doesn't make the reader utilize every one of their five senses. The following is a writing exercise of mine trying to imitate Angelou, by describing a childhood memory of mine primarily using senses to tell (show) the story.
Mama's in the Kitchen
My mother has been a single mom ever since I can remember. My parents were divorced since I was the age of two. I am the youngest of six children so I do not remember the yelling, crying behind closed doors or accusations of another women as my older siblings do. I thought that it was normal to only have a mom in the house until I began kindergarten.
My mom worked several jobs to support her large family, but the jobs turned into one career which was nursing. My mother would work nights so that she could make us dinner and be back when we all woke up in the morning. She would try her hardest to play working mom and housewife mom by always having at least our dinners being homemade. It was a treat when breakfast was something besides cold cereal during the summer and cracked wheat during the winter.
One early morning I woke up long before the sun was to come out and I heard some rustling in the kitchen. I decided to play detective and find out what the noise was. My mother eyed me from the door way.
"Les Mess, what are you doing up so early?"
"I couldn't sleep." I yawned.
I walked over to the kitchen table t0 where my mom was making flour clouds with every toss of flour from it's container onto the table.
"What are you doing mom?"
"I'm making cinnamon rolls for breakfast, but only good little girls that go to sleep get to enjoy them."
"I want to help you though."
With that my mom put me to work by spreading melted butter, sweet sugar and cinnamon all over the pastry dough. Then she rolled the dough up like a long snake. She began cutting the snake into small parts by wrapping tread around the dough and pulling tight. That was my favorite part. That and having my mother's attention all to myself. I will never forget that memory as long as I live.
Ok so as you can read I am definitely no Angelou, and I definitely did not use all of the senses. I mean I did in real life but it did not transfer to the page. Granted this was just a freelance writing experience, but I know I could do a lot better. I feel that I can access memories pretty easy, which is probably why I am getting my master's in Creative Nonfiction, but actually inhabiting the memory is definitely more difficult. My writing would improve by leaps and bounds once I got that down.
As for Angelou's memoir I definitely feel that the larger themes of racial segregation and women's liberation are still very relevant today. Both of those issues still have a very long way to go until they are no longer issues. Her story is timeless even though it is set during a specific time because of themes that go through time such as unconditional love, respect and most importantly in my eyes forgiveness. Forgiveness for oneself. I believe Maya's character is so compelling because it shows the "American" plight or "American Dream" if you will. I hate saying it that way. Angelou had to fight against the odds of childhood rape, racism, being a woman and blaming herself for her rapist's murder. She conquered all of these things. She is a survivor.
I love Momma's character. She reminded me so much of my own grandmother. This book was beautifully written. One day I wish to write a 10th as good as Angelou.
Mama's in the Kitchen
My mother has been a single mom ever since I can remember. My parents were divorced since I was the age of two. I am the youngest of six children so I do not remember the yelling, crying behind closed doors or accusations of another women as my older siblings do. I thought that it was normal to only have a mom in the house until I began kindergarten.
My mom worked several jobs to support her large family, but the jobs turned into one career which was nursing. My mother would work nights so that she could make us dinner and be back when we all woke up in the morning. She would try her hardest to play working mom and housewife mom by always having at least our dinners being homemade. It was a treat when breakfast was something besides cold cereal during the summer and cracked wheat during the winter.
One early morning I woke up long before the sun was to come out and I heard some rustling in the kitchen. I decided to play detective and find out what the noise was. My mother eyed me from the door way.
"Les Mess, what are you doing up so early?"
"I couldn't sleep." I yawned.
I walked over to the kitchen table t0 where my mom was making flour clouds with every toss of flour from it's container onto the table.
"What are you doing mom?"
"I'm making cinnamon rolls for breakfast, but only good little girls that go to sleep get to enjoy them."
"I want to help you though."
With that my mom put me to work by spreading melted butter, sweet sugar and cinnamon all over the pastry dough. Then she rolled the dough up like a long snake. She began cutting the snake into small parts by wrapping tread around the dough and pulling tight. That was my favorite part. That and having my mother's attention all to myself. I will never forget that memory as long as I live.
Ok so as you can read I am definitely no Angelou, and I definitely did not use all of the senses. I mean I did in real life but it did not transfer to the page. Granted this was just a freelance writing experience, but I know I could do a lot better. I feel that I can access memories pretty easy, which is probably why I am getting my master's in Creative Nonfiction, but actually inhabiting the memory is definitely more difficult. My writing would improve by leaps and bounds once I got that down.
As for Angelou's memoir I definitely feel that the larger themes of racial segregation and women's liberation are still very relevant today. Both of those issues still have a very long way to go until they are no longer issues. Her story is timeless even though it is set during a specific time because of themes that go through time such as unconditional love, respect and most importantly in my eyes forgiveness. Forgiveness for oneself. I believe Maya's character is so compelling because it shows the "American" plight or "American Dream" if you will. I hate saying it that way. Angelou had to fight against the odds of childhood rape, racism, being a woman and blaming herself for her rapist's murder. She conquered all of these things. She is a survivor.
I love Momma's character. She reminded me so much of my own grandmother. This book was beautifully written. One day I wish to write a 10th as good as Angelou.
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